Dikembe Mutombo, Denver Nuggets

Capitals Fire

  • PLAYER’S AWESOMENESS: 9
  • TEAM’S LOGO: 10
  • TEAM’S SWAG: 0
  • JERSEY DESIGN: 10
  • TOTAL SCORE: 29

Editor’s Note: The Finger Wag, his raspy/thunderous voice, the rare rainbow Rocky Mountain logo – everything about Dikembe Mutombo and this jersey’s aesthetics is nearly flawless. You didn’t just get rejected by Dikembe Mutombo, he rubbed it in your face every friggin time. The moment you put this jersey on, you instantly have an obligation to swat away anything within an arm’s reach — and taunt whatever you can with a raspy deep voice that no-one can understand.

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#9. John Starks, New York Knicks.

Capitals Fire

  • PLAYER’S AWESOMENESS: 10
  • TEAM’S LOGO: 7
  • TEAM’S SWAG: 10
  • JERSEY DESIGN: 3
  • Total Score: 30

Listen: there’s nothing aesthetically-pleasing about this kit other than the tradition of the Knicks having the same jersey since their inception. But, that’s not why John Starks is on this list. If you at any point wore/wear ‘Starks’ on your back: you represent grit. You represent the underdog. You represent the “me against the world” mentality … moreso than any player in NBA history. Starks didn’t care if he was guarding Michael Jordan or Spud Webb, he is, to this day, the face of the “Come at me, Bro…” movement – and for that reason alone, he comes in at #9 on this prestigious list.

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#8. Anfernee Hardaway, Orlando Magic

Capitals Fire

  • PLAYER’S AWESOMENESS: 8
  • TEAM’S LOGO: 8
  • TEAM’S SWAG: 7
  • JERSEY DESIGN: 8
  • Total Score: 31

Editor’s Note: Not just one of the best NBA players ever (talent-wise, at least) … Between re-defining the nickname game (Penny Hardaway), being one of the “originators” of player-themed basketball shoes (Air Penny Max), and the Nike Lil’ Penny ads (featuring a miniature Hardaway puppet voiced by Chris Rock) that were an absolute sensation/went as viral as viral could go in the mid-90’s – Penny was in your life, whether you watched the NBA or not.

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#7. Shawn Kemp, Seattle Supersonics

Capitals Fire

  • PLAYER’S AWESOMENESS: 9
  • TEAM’S LOGO: 9
  • TEAM’S SWAG: 10
  • JERSEY DESIGN: 3
  • Total Score: 31

Editor’s Note: There’s nothing special about the actual jersey, it’s more about who was wearing it. Shawn Kemp, the father of a zillion kids who was suspended/arrested for possession of cocainemore times than I can count — was the quintessential “bad boy” of the NBA. For a decade straight, he paid a monthly child support bill that could have single-handily pulled third-world countries out of bankruptcy, and is now completely broke after making $92,000,000 in his career. During his actual basketball days, he was the original Founder & CEO of the “I’m completely out-of-shape but am still better than you” Club, and is responsible for some of the most classic moments in NBA history (the Finger Point “you just got dunked on” Dance). In addition to all of what makes Shawn Kemp, Shawn Kemp – he was the star of the coolest franchise in the NBA: Nothing says IDGAF quite like a Shawn Kemp Sonics jersey.

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#6. Dan Majerle, Phoenix Suns

Capitals Fire

  • PLAYER’S AWESOMENESS: 4
  • TEAM’S LOGO: 10
  • TEAM’S SWAG: 8
  • JERSEY DESIGN: 10
  • Total Score: 32

Editor’s Note: This is a tribute to one of the best logos in sports ever: the streaking Phoenix Sun.

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#5. Charles Barkley, Houston Rockets

Capitals Fire

  • PLAYER’S AWESOMENESS: 9
  • TEAM’S LOGO: 10
  • TEAM’S SWAG: 6
  • JERSEY DESIGN: 10
  • Total Score: 35

Editor’s Note: During the 90’s/Early 2000’s — the Rockets took a break from their traditional Red/Yellow uniforms for nearly decade, and introduced these rocket ship shark BEAUTIES to us. In re: to the player, what can you say about “Sir” Charles Barkley that hasn’t already been said? Whether it was his quote “I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I’d work for the Klan”, or, after an Olympic Dream Team 116-48 victory vs. Angola, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of the opposing team with only seconds left. Afterwards, he said: “Somebody hits me, I’m going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn’t eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me.”

Thank you for never changing — and always being Sir Charles, Sir Charles….

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#4. Michael Jordan, “Dream Team” USA

Capitals Fire

  • PLAYER’S AWESOMENESS: 10
  • TEAM’S LOGO: 8
  • TEAM’S SWAG: 10
  • JERSEY DESIGN: 8
  • Total Score: 36

Editor’s Note: The single-greatest collection of players to join the same team, in any sport, ever. Global A-List, Superstar status at every position. There are a lot of things about America that make it so awesome, but, our Olympic Basketball team beating every country by a thousand points at the 1992 Barcelona Olympics is by far one of our greatest achievements and bragging points. This team was so amazing, opposing players ASKED FOR AUTOGRAPHS after the game. There’s a reason why everyone wants to live in this country – yeah, freedom and opportunity are important, but, you’re lying to yourself if you don’t think the show “The Dream Team” put on at has something to do with it too. When you throw this jersey on, every day is July 4th – you bleed patriotism, dominance, and alpha status.

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#3. Vince Carter, Toronto Raptors

Capitals Fire

  • PLAYER’S AWESOMENESS: 9
  • TEAM’S LOGO: 10
  • TEAM’S SWAG: 8
  • JERSEY DESIGN: 10
  • Total Score: 37

Editor’s Note: “Vincanity”, “Half-Man Half-Amazing”, “Air Canada” – the dude was the human highlight reel, and posterized anything that stood in front of him. To this day, any time Vince Carter is in the game – you have to keep an eye on the TV, because you just don’t know when this dude is going to do something unfathomably ridiculous. He is the patent-holder of just about every single cool dunk that’s even been done by anyone, and is the reason why we have “Mixtapes”. The inaugural Toronto Raptors jersey is the single greatest logo/color/design in the history of pro sports, and the only reason why this is not the #1 jersey of all-time is simply because EVERYONE already owns it, and the Raptors team he played on, sans Tracy McGrady and Damon Stoudemire – just wasn’t that cool.

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